So You Want To Fuck a Love Hina Girl?
I'll start this article out saying that Love Hina is possibly one of my favorite animes. If you've read my article
Forbidden Desires, then you'll surely agree that most of us have feelings for 2D characters. In fact, anime girls are so awesome that some people soon lose interest in real girls. Seeing as how I have more sexual prowess than any of you people reading this, I'm going to throw you a life line. As you can't get with real girls, I will give you tips on getting with the girls from Love Hina.
Ok you're totally demented if you want to get with this girl- she's like 11 and acts like a monkey. If you have sexual attractions to primates however, Su may be your best choice. Basically the key to getting with Su is getting totally beat up all the time. She's a very dominating girl, very very high maintenance. I would suggest investing in ear plugs as her voice is so irritating that you want your head to fucking implode. In order to actually get with her, however, you basically have to pull some shady ass bullshit. Essentially, you have to act EXACTLY like her older brother (not blood related). Once you have her totally fooled into thinking that you're like her brother, you have to somehow figure out some way of summoning a red moon. If and when you can do that, she turns into this uber hot version of herself that's TOTALLY fuckable. I wouldn't recommend getting with her in the regular version because she'll probably rip your balls off and hang you from a tree. Here are a few suggestions on summoning a red moon:
1. Find a witch-doctor and do some weird voodoo dance
2. Fly to another planet where the moon is red
3. Convince Su to wear a pair of red tinted glasses for the rest of her life, never allowing her to take them off.
Kitsune is probably the oldest member of the Hina girls (and she has the biggest tits!) She's a total drunk slut bag so this may not be so hard. There are a few things that are totally necessary to get with Kitsune:
1. Lots and lots of fucking money
2. An endless supply of alcohol
3. More fucking money
Assuming you have one of the three items listed above, you may conceivably get head or a hand job. That's not so bad!! If you have none of the three items listed above, you'll be totally toyed with then probably assaulted and killed by Motoko (see below). Kitsune is also into older men so unless your at least 25, you probably have no chance whatsoever. You may also want to consider cosplaying as an archeology professor from a nearby university. If you pull it off (see our guides to Otakon cosplaying if you're unsure as to whether you will pull it off), you may fool her long enough to get some ass (she's not that bright).
If you want to get with Shinobu, you're totally after the sweet innocent girl of the bunch. You sicko!!! Shinobu is a very simple girl; she likes to cook, clean, do laundry and draw pictures! Granted that you're a total pussy, have no life whatsoever, and you're older than her, Shinobu will probably have a crush on you anyway for no reason. Half the battle already won! All you have to do is apply pressure to Shinobu and she'll cave as she's only 14 and has no experience whatsoever. I would suggest stealing into her room one night and slipping into her bed. When she wakes up, make with the sweet talk and reassure her that it's ok and that you love her. When she says something along the lines of "If it's with you Senpai, it's ok", you're totally gonna get laid by a 14 year old. I wouldn't recommend this as it's highly illegal, but then again, half the stuff I tell you to do on this site isn't legal. Fuck it.
You will get totally ass-backwards raped if you try to get with Motoko. She will totally fucking kill you and burn your corpse. There is only 1 way to fuck Motoko: beat her. Now this may seem simple but I assure it's not. She's trained in this crazy style of sword fighting and can break through walls and shit. The only thing she respects is power. If you can own her in a battle she will fuck your BRAINS OUT. Seeing as how you're reading this article and not training, I would suggest possibly drugging her before the fight. This in conjunction with a tank may secure you the victory you need. Evasource has compiled several guides in the Article section that may help you transform yourself into an absolute ass-kicker. Live and breathe these guides for a couple of years, then you may have the power necessary to get your dick inside Motoko.
The best part about this chick is that she can disguise herself as ANYONE. Meaning, if you get bored of fucking the same face over and over, you can just tell her to turn into Naru or something. SWEET DEAL. Ok but getting with her in the first place is a little tricky. She totally wants to fuck her brother. Yeah it's weird, but you gotta work with it. Ok, now you have to cosplay as Keitaro in order for this ruse to work... and you better be damn good at it because she's smarter than she looks (and she's got this cat that talks, which is just cool). If she's convinced that you're her brother, she'll want to fuck you really bad. If, however, your disguise is TOO good, you'll get all the other Hina girls on your ass also which, in the case of getting with Kanoko, is bad. Once she's fooled, grab her and run before anyone else can see you! You may also want to put her cat in a bag and drop it in a lake- it will end up blowing your cover.
Now you've got some taste! Naru is the hottest most utterly fuckable girl living at the Hina dorm. If I could, I would create a robot of her and fuck her for the rest of eternity. Seeing as how I can't, I'll place the burden to you readers in hopes that one of YOU can create a robot of Naru for me. Naru is a very cultured girl. She loves a guy with brains and is aiming to get into Tokyo University. If you can somehow fool her into thinking that you're some genius grad student, she will probably give you head every damn day shut the fuck up you don't even know. If you, however, cannot pull this off and you're totally retarded, she'll cream you with her fist relentlessly. Though not as deadly as Motoko's sword, Naru's fist may re-locate you across the globe. Another option is to admit to your stupidity and ask her to tutor her. Through a series of romantic and sexual misunderstandings, she may end up liking you despite her own will. You suave mother fucker! Man what I wouldn't give to be Keitaro in the last issue of the manga where they get MARRIED (THATS RIGHT MOTHER FUCKER, I JUST RUINED THE WHOLE STORY FOR YOU ASSWIPES). I'd be able to fuck her forever and ever. I'd be such a total ass-kicker it would make so little sense.
Mutsumi doesn't even really live at the Hina dorm, but she's pretty hot regardless. This paragraph will be very short as Mutsumi is even slower than Kitsune. She's so clumsy, she'd probably accidentally fall on your dick repeatedly. For that matter, she's so stupid, she'd fall asleep with her head between your legs. No problems here whatsoever.
Amara is Mutsumi's roomate. She's like a hotter, older, less insane version of Su. In fact... wait... she might be the 2nd hottest character in the anime. She's got a fucking SLAMMIN body, but sadly also has this thing for her brother (WHAT IS IT WITH PEOPLE AND THEIR BROTHERS). I think the easiest way to get Amara's attention is to get with Su first. If you get with Su, Amara will become inherently jealous and/or protective and try to take you instead. Now that you've been abducted by her, you have a small window of opportunity. Either you, again, act like their old brother or you'll get eaten by her pet alligator. Exotic girls, you gotta love em.
DUDE SHE'S LITERALLY LIKE 10 STOP READING THIS YOU PERVERTED PIECE OF ASS LICKING BALL CHEWING SHIT (NOTE: If you've actually made it this far through the article you're probably a certified pedophile)
You must have failed at getting with every real girl that you've ever liked AND failed to get with all the aforementioned fictional girls and now you want to try your luck with an older 2D character. Get some help you sick freak (BTW Haruka likes cigarettes ::WINK WINK::)
Hopefully with the help of this article, you may have finally felt the beautiful inside of a 2D pussy. Sadly, I can help you no further unless of course one day cartoons come out of the television and take over the world; in which case I totally shotty Naru.